My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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