Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
