I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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