i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
