Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
