What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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