He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
