Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
