Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
