Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just had sex bonerless
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize