I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
