You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
