If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
