well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize