bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
