Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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