I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
