i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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