Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
