Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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