you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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