There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
