The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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