During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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