cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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