I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
