i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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