Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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