Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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