so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
