i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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