i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
