Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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