I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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