I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I want to be your penis for a week.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
