I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
