Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
