Please don't use social media to get back at me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
