I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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