I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
