I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
