and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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