i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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