In the future we'll all be gay
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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