Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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