separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
