gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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