She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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