i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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