The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
