Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
