I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
