Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
