I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
