did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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