im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I look better un-naked...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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