Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
