Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
