Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
