4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
