Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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