every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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