Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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