I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
