he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
