Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
