That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
