I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
