so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I stole a fireplace last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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