Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
People in love make me want to vomit
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize