Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i think i just lost a toe
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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