do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
