I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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