P.S. I can't hear my feet
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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