I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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