pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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