there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
