Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
