Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
