when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She announced her abortion via fbk
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
