after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
