After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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