and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
