So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
