i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
