i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
