I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
