what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
40s are totally the cure
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
