this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
