..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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