You just made me feel so damn special
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
