butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
