did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
