thus making me awesome and them whores
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
