The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize