Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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