So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
