Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize